


So If You Disappear...

by paintingfire



Category: X Factor RPF
Genre: M/M, Slash, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-27
Updated: 2011-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-26 14:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintingfire/pseuds/paintingfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'll see your name on a poster, or I'll hear it said in awe, and my memories will spill forth and I won't be able to still my jaw"</p>
            </blockquote>





	So If You Disappear...

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the lyrics of the Doug Anthony All Stars version of "Throw Your Arms Around Me". I really do recommend you listen to it as you read, because it's one of those fics that I do where I write to the rhythm, to the feeling of a particular performance. Plus if you're never heard it I think, hope, you'll love it anyway. The lyrics are in italics throughout the story.
> 
> Rating-wise it's more emotionally explicit that anything else. Who is speaking, Matt or Aiden? It's up to you to decide. Is it just one of them, is it both? Will they have a happy ever after, or just in their dreams or memories...
> 
> Disclaimer: I am a mere storyteller, a painter of words. I have no secret mind-reading powers. The characterisations of the people and portrayal of events within the following story are therefore wholly fictitious. A fairytale begins "Once upon a time" but it does not mean it really happened. Remember that and we'll all live happily ever after!

  
  


**In my mind, then**

 _I will come for you at night-time_

I'd get out of bed, cross over the room, watch you toss and turn, hard beneath thin covers

 _I will raise you from your sleep_

I'd reach out and smooth a finger to your cheekbone, place my flattened palm to your mouth to stop you crying out. I'd let our eyes meet silently so you could read my thoughts, my wants, my offer.

 _I will kiss you in four places_

I'd place a gentle kiss to your forehead, to your cheek, to your jaw. Then I'd kiss your mouth, and you'd respond, and it wouldn't be gentle at all.

 _As I go running along your street_

I'd let my hands, my lips and tongue, frantically journey down your body. Straight down, no time to waste, no need for detours.

 _I will squeeze the life out of you_

Then I'd raise my eyes and watch you as I clasped my fingers round your length. I'd pump you hard and fast, uncaring that it's rough and unfamiliar. Because I know you want it, know you need it. The touch of another hand. And I need you in my hand, to feel that throb, that pulse, that release. Because I want you and I need you. I need you to come for me as I have finally come to you.

 _You will make me laugh and make me cry_

And afterwards you'll catch your breath, then reach up and place your hands either side my face. You'll pull me down and smile in wonder and say "Why didn't you tell me before, you fool?" And you'll kiss me hard, and you'll kiss me deep, and then you'll push us apart, and you'll suddenly reach down my body and grab me, run your thumb over me and make a silly rude joke about untapped potential just waiting to be exploited. And even as I'm laughing I'll be getting harder, and you'll oh so respond to that. You'll flip me over and hold me down as if I weigh nothing at all. You'll take me by surprise, you'll take me in your mouth. You'll take me tight, you'll take me deep. And it will be too much, but not too soon for me. This longed for sensation. So I'll spill myself within you and cry out when you swallow, when you refuse to let me leave.

 _And we will never forget it_

Then we'll lie there on your bed, panting in surfeit. And your hand will find it's way to mine, and our fingers entwine. Then you'll pull me to your side and smash our lips together for one hard swift kiss to seal the deal, to make a promise. And we'll be hard again and desperate for more, much more.

 _You will make me call your name_

And because I've always needed you, always been ready for this moment, the preparations can be swift and messy. You'll use your fingers, you'll use your tongue. I'll grab your hair, I'll grab the sheets, I'll grab you tightly as you finally enter me for the first time. My cry not one of pain. A cry purely of lust, of need, of promised fulfillment. Of this moment.

 _And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky_

And then you'll move over me, within me, and I'll throw my head back in acknowledgement at how right this feels. Your skin sticking to mine, my fingers clasped to you, nails digging in, letting you know that I need you to move harder, to move faster, to freaking fuck me like there's no tomorrow! I don't want to see stars, and I won't. Because you're so much better than that. You'll instinctively know how to take me, to take me right there, into to blue white scorching heat of our combined release. And I'll scream out your name, and you will scream mine and we'll disappear into each other's very souls and never ever ever regret it.

  
 **On my lips, now**

 _And we may never meet again_

I tell you how strange it is that this might be it, that after being together so often for so long that it has finally come down to this last moment.

 _So shed your skin and let's get started_

Because I need to talk to you, I need you to listen. To work out where we go from here, and work through what had come before.

 _And you will throw your arms around me_

So you grab me and hug me and laugh at me like you always do. Like you always did.

 _Yeah, you will throw your arms around me_

Because you're never serious, you never were. But I need to tell you now, because if we never meet again I know I'll regret this.

 _I dreamed of you at night-time_

About how my thoughts were always of you. Of how my thoughts were always of us.

 _And I watched you in your sleep_

And touched myself as I did it, and I'm not ashamed, I cannot be ashamed.

 _I met you in high places_

Because I didn't let you know, I treated you with respect, I treated you with friendship.

 _I touched your head and touched your feet_

I showed you how much I loved you all the time. With every gesture, every word, every commendation to others about how wonderful you were.

 _So if you disappear out of view_

But I'll understand if you don't feel the same. That this is it, that you never want to see me again.

 _You know I will never say goodbye_

Because in my heart you'll always be with me, we'll always have that time. You'll always be beside me, even if you're never mine.

 _And though I try to forget it_

And sometime in the future, I'll have made my life anew, but I'll know there somewhere within me, you'll be there too.

 _You will make me call your name_

I'll see your name on a poster, or I'll hear it said in awe, and my memories will spill forth and I won't be able to still my jaw

 _And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky..._

That I'll have to say I knew him and that he knew me, and in my mind we'll forever be we.

  
 **In your arms, for once, for ever?**

 _And we may never meet again..._

It's up to you now where we go from here.

 _So shed your skin and let's get started_

Please share your thoughts, your hopes, your fears? Don't leave me here close to tears.

 _And you will throw your arms around me_

Tell me that you understand, that's all I ask, not to be a forgotten man

 _Yeah, you will throw your arms around me_

Because you're you, because you love me too, because no matter what you feel, you know what we had was real.

 _Oh...yeah..._

You're going to open up, you must, you must

 _Ohhh yeah..._

Because if you don't all my dreams will finally be dust

 _You will throw your arms around me..._

And if you only want me for this moment, for this last departing glance

 _Yeah, you will throw your arms around me...._

I'll take it as I found you. Can you find me please, you must. Because I'll love you forever... Whatever you decide, I'll trust...


End file.
